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2009 Rolls Royce Phantom Coupe Review

WE have had it wrong all along.

By “we”, I mean the automotive press. When we consider the price tag of a 2009 Rolls-Royce Phantom Coupe, the majority of us strain are necks when looking from the ground up at a sky-high price. It’s only natural – the great silent majority share the same standard, land-locked P.O.V.

“Oh, I’d rather buy a Ferrari and keep the change for that kind of money,” one curbside critic told me, lifting up his nose in a not-so-subtle display of snobbery, reverse-engineered.

But, like the song says, it bears repeating: we have had it wrong all along.

The snobby bystander, like me and all those auto scribes who are prone to reciting their dream list of the umpteen Vettes and million- odd Kawasaki Ninjas you could buy for the MSRP of one Rolls-Royce, are looking at the matter cross eyed.

If we consider that the Rolls-Royce Phantom Coupe is a) without peer as a rolling statement this side of a Bugatti and b) the Rolls-Royce Phantom Coupe isn’t really a car … it all starts making sense.

FOLLOW ME

The Phantom Coupe’s stats are by law formulated and publicized much like any auto. Long gone are the days of describing power as “adequate”, so now they read as follows:

• 0-60 in 5.6 seconds
• Direct Injected -48 valve-411.8 cu in. V12
• 531 lb-ft of torque@ 3500rpm
• 453 horsepower
• 0.36 Drag Co-efficient
• 18 combined mpg (I managed 15-17 mpg over five days)

And so on…

Yes, you can pile four people and luggage into it; tipping the scales well past its 5,771 pound curb weight. Yes, you can pick up the groceries, the kids at practice, go to work, commute, go through the drive-thru, but never the automated car wash, etc.

And yes, if you consider that in a world of GMC Yukon XLs the proportions of this Coupe at 220.8 X 78.2 X 62.7 inches are still within the parameters of really big  (U.S.) vehicles, it can still be classified as a “car”.

That’s where the commonalities end.

ONE, IF BY LAND

But as luxury transport statements go, the Rolls-Royce Phantom Coupe is not only the biggest bang for the proverbial buck, it’s also a bargain.

What else besides a yacht or your own private jet or helicopter can transport you in such comfort while conveying to all asunder that you’ve made bank, one billion fold?

Trouble is, with a yacht – I’m speaking of something akin to a Riva ’92 Duchessa or a Palmer Johnson 123 no. 1 Alter Ego – these boats not only come with multi-million dollar purchase (or finance) costs, their annual upkeep (staffing, maintenance, docking, marine insurance, yacht club fees, deck bunnies ) and staggering depreciation are also multi-million dollar expenditures.

A Sunday cruise around the bay in a comparatively modest cigarette boat won’t cost less than $500 in gas. A Sunday tour by Phantom Coupe in the countryside shouldn’t cost more  than fifty bucks (as of 5/09).

Consider that a helicopter or private jet – your own Sikorsky chopper or Gulfstream -or better, Boeing – are not only multi-million to billion dollar endeavors subject to the same kind of expenses as a yacht – they’re also liable to stricter oversight by terrorist sensitive governmental authorities – Heaven forbid your aircraft stray too close to a no-fly zone…

In both cases, neither conveyances of air or sea allows you, the master-of-your-own-dominion , to show off to 90% of the traveling public. You’re either out to sea or in the sky and in either case, out of reach.

The Rolls-Royce Phantom Coupe has you traveling in luxuriant style at a fraction of the cost and within clear eyesight of everyone else.

HOW DOES THE ROLLS PERFORM?

Brilliantly, 90% of the time.

I like to focus on the bad and finish with the beautiful, so let’s start with the rough 10%.

The Phantom Coupe’s technology is BMW circa 2007. Fine, in general. In another time, Rolls-Royce used to buy all the unseen sparky bits from GM.

What the older Bimmer kit does mean, however, is that your stuck with the old iDrive; an in-car computer system that’s beyond irritating and worth avoiding whenever possible which is rarely possible, sorry to say.

This particular Phantom Coupe also suffers a possessed park control system that wouldn’t deactivate even when engaging park. The system emits a constant, ear splitting noise when you’re close to something or someone crosses in front of your bumper. Chances are you could adjust the volume setting somehow, or deactivate it entirely, but that would mean delving deep into iDrive’s labyrinths.

There’s also a real visibility issue. The Phantom Coupe is filled with blind spots and your aft vision is blocked by the car’s (fabulous) architecture.  Incorporating BMW’s Active Blind Spot detection system would be beneficial.

This Rolls also has a faint wind noise coming from the driver’s A-pillar and there’s loose wood paneling under the rear central air vents.

And that’s it. There ends the list of complaints. Aside from hiring a minder (or bouncer) to ensure that no one keys your stunning Diamond black on black Rolls with brushed metal bonnet, the troubles end there and here’s where the Phantom Coupe’s magic begins.

BRAVO!

I’m firm about the Phantom Coupe not being just a car because it really feels like no other car – new or old – on the road. You could draw similarities to a late-20s coupe – except that this 2009 model is more voluminous and far more sophisticated than anything pre-war.

The interior is a minimal if elegantly appointed Art Deco sitting room in which you feel and watch yourself “waft” disconnectedly from one location to the next. You’ve never experienced a quieter car, though, you understand that owing to full frame doors, the Phantom saloon is an audio file of what heaven must sound like to a librarian.

Because the Phantom Coupe is Goodwood’s closest interpretation of a “roadster” it features the now infamous “S”port button (much derided in Brit press) to allow for more assertive shifting.

In practice, since the autobox won’t let you manually select a gear, pushing the S button helps you stay off the brakes in long hill descents by holding the behemoth back in a lower gear.

Stomp on the go pedal and the ever-ready V12 produces a remote growl through two chrome exhausts as the Rolls launches towards the horizon. In normal driving, the engine stays hybrid-quiet. Progress – like every tangible function in the Roller -is silky smooth and slippery in its silence.

That said, you can – as my girlfriend did – “raise” the starlit roof with the Coupe’s incredible Logic 7 sound system. You notice the system adding volume incrementally as the Rolls attains higher speeds but cabin noise maintains its hush.

While driving does feel like a remote activity, the steering which is executed through a thin-rim helm is remarkably precise and talks to you about the most pressing issues your tyres face. Everything else is deemed superfluous and is muted.

You’ll notice that dialing the Rolls into a mean corner does promote tall lean , but the Goodyears supporting 21 inch alloys hang on without much complaint. Had you dared to drive anything near 7/10ths in any older Royce, the Rolls would have listed wildly; risking the chrome hub caps and rolling the soft Avons’ onto their sidewalls.

RIDING ON AIR

The Phantom Coupe’s ride quality is, well, the Rolls-Royce of rides. It’s neither waterbed squirmy like an old Caddy nor is it firmly dampened like a taut-new Bimmer. You feel like you’re riding on a cushion of air when in truth you’re actually riding on four.

The only moment that this sumptuous system falls down is over speed bumps. For whatever reason, the air shocks won’t adjust comfortably to those parking lot annoyances that any Mercedes-Benz can absorb.

Approach a sleeping policeman at speed or crawl over wheel by wheel, and in either case there’s an audible –thump- that makes it into the cabin with the accompanying vibration to your posterior.

Remarkably, you’ll notice that parking lot maneuvers are tight for such mass. And tight is a good descriptor for the rest of the car.

Traditionally, Rolls-Royces of yesteryear felt heavy, over-stuffed, and loose. As my good friend Hardy Drackett noted, it’s like you could sense that the open door weighed heavily on its hinges.

While the Phantom Coupe’s suicide doors are heavy, they’re nonetheless fluid, and electronically operated by the press of a button. There’s no sense of strain in the structure’s (substantial) weight.

Everything feels so light yet so secure to point of seeming armored. Which is what it must be – for a luxurious statement this bold must at least appear to secure its occupants from the wide range of emotions that the outside world will offer your Phantom Coupe.

And offer, they will.

EVERYONE’S GOT ONE

Sometimes it’s an open-mouthed stare; a thumbs up or a middle finger. Sometimes it’s a truck that will deliberately swerve to kick up a cloud of dirt that you’ll proceed through. Sometimes it’s a goop-haired tool driving an ill-gotten CL65 AMG who finds a way to cut you off because you have loudly upstaged him.

Sometimes it’s an ecstatic gear head who’s gotta get this on his cell phone camera – while driving next to you on the highway. Sometimes it’s those reverse-engineered snobs who are very careful NOT to notice your eminently conspicuous arrival.

And then it’s the wonder of watching a dad inform his son that what the little guy has just witnessed for the first time is a Rolls-Royce.

Anyway you look at it, for $441,000 the Rolls-Royce Phantom Coupe is the most sublime and imperious way to roll. For those who can, it’s worth every penny.

Bentley v. Rolls-Royce: 2009 Phantom Coupe

Twenty percent of new Rolls-Royce customers used to own a Crewe-built “Royce”. Since BMW bought Rolls-Royce and moved operations to Goodwood, many of the old guard have switched to Bentleys which are still hand made in Crewe. Automobiles De Luxe asked Bentley owners for their take on the new Rolls-Royce.

“EVERYTHING is attitude in life,” Frank G. Masek, affable, 73, explains with his light hearted New-Yawker accent. Frank recites what seems to be his own life’s maxim with a knowing glint in his astonished eye.

Seeming somewhat stunned, his focus turns to take in the interior of the 2009 Rolls-Royce Phantom Coupe, an exotic that feels a generation removed from the classic curves of his 2004 silver–over–grey Bentley Arnage.

“My Gawd, this is like a ship!” he nods to the massive arc of Zebrano paneling that seems wide enough to encompass the width of his Bentley.

It couldn’t, of course, but appearances speak volumes. His fingers lightly register the leather wrapped confidence of the large helm’s thin rim. To him, the two-suicide-door Phantom is so impressive – and – so different.

From your innocent bystander’s standpoint, it might seem odd how a Bentley owner could be so in awe of a Rolls.

For half of the last century, Bentleys and Rolls-Royces were essentially the same cars with different badges. Today, both are still stupid expensive and ultra exclusive.

Both say, “I’ve got mine!”

In a strict sense, these observations are true.

But in the same vein, describing both the Chrysler Building and the Freedom Tower as two, really tall skyscrapers defines neither structure adequately. Each represents the culmination of human effort; achieved in different times with unique objectives. What unites both is that both teams endeavored to produce the best.

An idea strikes Frank and he invites me into his house to show me a new car he saw in the latest copy of the Flying Lady.

He thumbs past articles of the 200EX concept and the Continental Supersports to a story about a custom retro Bentley S3 redone slightly ghetto by the “Bentley Boys” out of San Antonio, TX. It’s the same car that appeared online earlier this year; a low slung, tall-rimmed, Bentley-badged, Silver Cloud-clone with aero mods and tinted windows.

Frank studies the shots for a second and looks up at me uncertainly.

“I don’t know about this. I like a little low key,” he says. “More low key than the Rolls.”

“ANOTHER LEVEL”

“Isn’t this the most beautiful car?” Mrs. “A” asks. Her hand softly caresses the Phantom Coupe’s brushed stainless hood.

Mrs. A has a certain wry wit about her and she cuts a shapely forty-something figure. The successful Mr. “A” owns a late generation Bentley Azure convertible which rests beneath a heavy tan cover inside the garage a hundred feet from where we stand.

“But I couldn’t drive this, Gunnar,” she tells me, smiling resignedly at the Rolls. “I’d be ostracized! Could you imagine me driving this car in [small New England town]? I think in London this would work.”

I suggest that her husband’s two and half ton Azure is a pretty bold statement, in and of itself. “Not like this,” she says, the Rolls filling her view.

“This is another level.”

“UGLY CAR” | “WRONG PRICE”

Mr. “J”, seventy-something, owned a ’76 Silver Shadow II until it died one night six years ago in a downpour on the side of I-95. He now rolls in a silver-on-grey Bentley Continental GTC. I ask him he’d care to drive the Phantom Coupe to see how it contrasts with his Audi-influenced Bentley.

“I’d never drive an ugly car,” he tells me summarily over the phone.

Waiting a silent moment, he then allows, “I understand that the new Phantoms drive beautifully.” But the new Rolls-Royce aesthetics are just too abrasive for his taste.

“I thought my Silver Shadow was a beautiful car. Of course it leaked oil and had technical problems. But it had some years on it.”

He passes on meeting the next day.

But I do meet with my friend Max, 80, who owns a Crewe-built ’88 Silver Spur; black Everflex roof with banker’s grey paint over black Connolly trimmed interior. Max let me showcase his Royce two years ago in two Automobiles De Luxe videos. He’s game about Rolls-Royce’s exuberant esprit de corps and welcomes the Phantom Coupe.

“The best feature on this car is the disappearing, reappearing hood ornament,” he says after a quick walk around. On reflection, he’s not keen about the new, inset grille, though.

Max drives a 2005 Mercedes-Benz S500 4-Matic as his every day car and uses his “Roller” for special occasions. Over the years, like the Queen with her prime ministers, his ceremonial Silver Spur has seen more than a few Sonderklassen come and go as the “every day car”.

Two decades ago, he bought the Silver Spur after the local Benz dealer tried to sell him another S-Class for more than $100,000.

“I told the guy,” Max stiffens his posture in a dramatic replay of himself formerly agitated, “if I’m gonna pay more than a hundred grand for a car, it’s gonna be a Rolls-Royce.” Down bangs the invisible phone.

He made good on his word.

Undaunted, Max gets behind the Phantom Coupe’s wheel for a quick spin. The coupe is a half a foot longer than his old four-door and much taller. Leaving iDrive alone, he adapts to the BMW sourced “intuitive” stalk controls without too much fuss and slowly finds parallels with his Roller; namely, the lofty ride height, air cushioned ride, and sense of occasion about it all.

“The steering’s more positive on this car,” he observes, dialing the coupe swiftly into a mild corner.

Max half-jokingly hints he’d be willing to trade in his car for the new Coupe if the price was right.

“What is it? A buck sixty?” He asks.

Four-hundred forty one thousand dollars, I say.

“Like I said, if the price was right.”

“THE POOR SISTER”

-
Back in Frank’s kitchen, we’re seated next to a three by four print of the Rolling Stones logo, Frank tells me that he used to drive a ’94 Brooklands and a 1960-something Silver Shadow before that. He owned the Brooklands until Miller Motorcars wanted $17,000 for a valve job and another $40,000 for a routine service.

“At that price… “ he shakes his head, “I figured I should get another car. I drive my cars like I drive any of my trucks.” Frank was in the shipping business for decades.

Hence, the ‘04 Arnage, which he bought from Manhattan Motor Cars.

“I felt a little guilty in this economy. But I bought the Arnage because I’m 73, I’ve had two heart attacks and I’m going in for an operation, so I figured what the hell.”

Frank notes that it’s harder to get in and out of the Arnage than it was the Brooklands –or – the Phantom Coupe which waits for us outside.

“It’s less pretentious. And I feel like Bentley was always the poor sister to the Rolls,” the Red Sox fan from NYC tells me. Frank seems to have a soft spot for underdogs.

I invite him to join me for a photo shoot. He’s game.

“ONCE IN A LIFETIME”

We drive a few blocks to the town dock to take a few shots. A dock worker from a few hundred yards away comments, “Oh, nice! That’s a Rolls-Royce!”

Onlookers seem to appear from nowhere to view the grand display of a Rolls-Royce Phantom Coupe and a Bentley Arnage. A jogger pauses to stare at the Rolls.

“It’s beautiful!” She announces between deep breaths. “That should be my car!”

She briefly acknowledges the Arnage and goes on her way.

A group of Texan tourists armed with mega-watt smiles and cameras besiege the Rolls next.

“I think that’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” one lady sighs in mild Texan. She looks toward the Bentley for a moment then returns to open mouthed gawking at the Phantom Coupe.

I see that one of the group is wearing a beaded baseball cap that’s shimmering in the sunshine which gives me cue to show off the Phantom Coupe’s LED starlit headliner.

They explode into delighted guffaws and gasps.

I squeeze in a few more pictures when a couple of guys, who work at a local restaurant pull up in a Volvo S70 and offer me free dinner if they can have their pictures taken next to Rolls. I decline the free din-din, but offer the photo op.

They get out of their Swedish sedan and stare. One of them looks to Frank and asks if that’s his Bentley. Frank’s been good humored all this time. The looming Rolls has been getting all the attention, including his own.

“Your Bentley’s beautiful,” The man assures Frank in an effort to comfort a possibly bruised ego, “but the Rolls…”

Eyes wide, he looks back at the Phantom Coupe…

“That’s once in a lifetime!”