(Because parody, i.e. not an actual advertisement)
von/par/by Gunnar Heinrich
Understanding that the automobile is a purpose-built time-travel device (in the technical and not Arthur C. Clarke sense) is something the average consumer can grasp. And yet, born from this simple function and of this industrial age product, is an amazing and dynamic cosmos of car-people.
For these enthralled folks, comprised as they are of advocates, enthusiasts, aficionados, collectors, commuters, drivers, riders, racers, and aspirants, the car has come to represent an extension of man’s own ethos.
That guy in the 1985 Porsche 911 Turbo? He’s a type. His car, as it’s often told, says something about him. The girl in that 2014 Cayenne Diesel? Still another subset; a planet within a solar system within a galaxy. Cars do this in a user-oriented way that other identifying products like designer labels, yachts, or watches, really can’t match.
It boggles the imagination if you stop to consider the inordinate complexity of the automotive fora and its participants.
Which brings us to the demand for content.
Now driven largely by social media and the Internet, we have a constant drive for all that is automotive.
But do the Instagram shots do our passion justice? Do the snarky blog posts still give voice to our inner cynics? What more can we achieve by writing reviews, posting pictures, sharing insights in recreating the experience of it all? Does this constant maw really sate us – or – does it just tease our addictions?
Nearly ten years ago, my tight team of media chefs whipped up a simple video that featured a 1988 Rolls-Royce Silver Spur (above still frame detail, 280p -sorry). It was shot in Sony HDV, with Sennheiser Mics picking up the ambient sound of the-now-classic Royce at work. I made sure that we included the mechanical whirs and electronic beeps because that’s part of what makes operating a car such a sensory experience.
For some, the video brings home the sensation of driving the Spur. For others, it’s a five minute snooze fest.
Since then, some 28K views later, there is now in addition to the Silver Spur video and its kind, a YouTube profile that goes by SaabKyle04 who posts parking lot walk-arounds that he calls “reviews”. Helpfully, he provides his own twangy commentary on how this or that works – from pushing the start button, to adjusting the seat, to opening the glovebox.
With handheld camera, he shows us how it works.
SaabKyle04’s videos get hundreds of thousands if not millions of views. Consider his 2012 Lamborghini Aventador expose as a near-six-million watched case-in-point. That is not to suggest that his videos, nor our own poetic reflection piece on the Silver Spur, are in any way original. Mauro Motors of North Haven, Connecticut has been showcasing the interiors and exteriors of its used inventory on cable TV since at least the 90s. Other car dealers around the US have done the same before even then.
But back to the question at hand, are these commentary-light, put-you-in-the-driver’s-seat shorts the real future of automotive media? Perhaps.
The trends suggest that rather than read an Octane review or watch a Petrolicious video of an owner with his car, we’re much more likely to observe our 10 minute coffee breaks by donning our virtual apparel (VR) and taking that 1969 Maserati Ghibli for a spin ourselves. That sounds like much more fun than reading what I’d have to write about it after having driven it (ostensibly for your benefit, of course ;)) or even watching Alain Delon drive it in a filmed play (La Piscine).
No, friends, I’m not saying that inside the next five years we’ll see the end of automotive media as we now conceive it. The automotive universe with its legions surely won’t implode for lack of content. I mean, we still have the horse and buggy after all. Only, how many of us still get around via horse and buggy, day-to-day?
by Gunnar Heinrich
IT has been a while, hasn’t it?
And all this time, the world kept turning, the press releases kept popping, the videos kept posting, the blogs kept regurgitating, and all of us who comb the interwebs for our automotive feedings are now – and not too suddenly – overfed. Beyond sated.
And what of those fat new rides? The 2014s and the M.Y. ’15s?
Cars that soon shall pilot themselves and monitor our every progress both inside and out.
There’s no need to drive. They’ll take it from here.
Take us gear-head-Saturday-night- ‘Bahn stormers right out of the picture.
After all, the All New – VolvoBMWBenzAudiPorscheLexusAcuraInfinitiCadillacBentleyRollsRoyceAstonMartinFerrariMaseratiAlfaRomeo – is set to become just another comfy confine in which to sell us with advertising while we transport from A-to-B.
At least, that is, before we get to teleport from A-to-B.
A thrilling, bold new day in the automotive world, isn’t it?
From inside, we won’t actually hear six hundred horses thunder so the entertainment system can just play the soundtrack like it were our favorite pop-star lip synching through a live concert. Convincing, right? Oh, and if we get tired of that soundtrack we can always switch it up. Just buy the audio track from the website conveniently accessed through your dash touchscreen or mobile devices.
Now we can just about say that we have gotten everything we ever wanted from our cars. Including convenient on-the-go access to our online banking.
But do we – whoever “we” are who find soul in some amalgam of leather, steel, and pistons – believe it when we stop in contemplation?
Well, we might if we can just get our fucking playlists to sync >>